As we’ve made our way through 1 Peter, one thing he emphasizes is our status as sojourners or exiles. There was a time when we were at home with this world and the way it operated. We shared the same values, priorities, and loyalties of those who do not obey the gospel of Jesus. But due to the great mercy of our God, the Christian has been born again and made new. For the Christian, Jesus has changed our priorities, our values, our loyalties, such that we do life differently now.

And that makes us exiles, foreigners, like people who don’t belong. Our new ethic—that is, the visible outworking of our new heart—looks strange to the world. But that strangeness, we’ve learned, is part of God’s mission to save others. In whatever circumstances we find ourselves, the Lord uses our actions to paint a picture of Jesus; and our hope is that others come to know Jesus as well.

Peter has been careful to provide examples of what God’s mission through us looks like in a variety of settings. In 2:12, he started broadly with our honorable conduct among non-Christians in general. Then he narrowed his focus to politics, and how we ought to do good while submitting to non-Christian rulers. He then turned to servants in 2:18 and showed how their sufferings before non-Christian masters would exemplify Christ. Then he moved to wives married to non-Christian husbands. God can use their gentle spirit to paint a picture of Jesus and win their husbands to the gospel.

Today, we find that Peter now turns to Christian husbands; and yes, I know ladies, we husbands get a whole verse. Maybe that’s all we can handle. More seriously, though, consider a few other thoughts. One is that it’s not always like this in Scripture. When Paul instructs husbands and wives in Ephesians 5, he spends more time addressing husbands. This displays the occasional nature of each letter, and how God’s Spirit tailors his emphases for different settings, people, and times.

The emphases in 1 Peter seem to fall on those who were counted by society of lower status—those under governing authorities, slaves under masters, wives under husbands. But that didn’t mean they’re less important to God. Quite the contrary—God honors them by acknowledging them and treating them as his ambassadors. They are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. God has set them apart in their respective contexts for his mission.

Another thought is this: fewer words don’t always mean less to consider. We’ll soon find a gravity to these words that ought to strike every husband with the fear of God, especially those treating their wives poorly. Indirectly, then, Peter’s one verse addressing husbands further explains his instructions to the wives in verses 1-6. Husbands might have authority, but before God they dare not abuse it. Such abuses of authority are contrary to the new life in Christ. The Lord will not tolerate it. With that said, let’s read verse 7 and then see how the Lord instructs husbands…

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Now, before we jump in, a few words for our singles and youth. You might be tempted to check out. He’s talking about married people. But I would remind you that all Scripture is God-breathed and profitable for training in righteousness.

If you’re single, listen to the Bible’s vision for a husband and a wife not only to uphold sound doctrine, not only to prepare should the Lord provide you with a spouse, but also to serve the church, to serve married people. Pray these things for our marriages. When we’re out of step with Scripture, admonish us. Paul was single, but he still admonished married people in his letters. God can use you to speak into our lives as well.

If you’re among the youth, you’re likely not concerned with marriage right now. But please capture the Bible’s vision for marriage now. The world is feeding you a destructive vision of manhood and womanhood. Shows, movies, advertisements—most of them distort true masculinity and femininity. The entertainment industry exploits women to make money. They also regularly distort roles in the marriage and give excuses for husbands to be lazy fools. Don’t be led astray. Build your life around God’s vision for husbands and wives; and by so doing, you will learn Christ.

The Husband Knowing His Wife

Peter’s instructions to husbands have three parts: the husband knowing his wife, the husband honoring his wife, and the husband praying to God. Let’s start with the husband knowing his wife. The word behind “live” in “live with your wives” appears in other contexts to speak of normal marriage relations—from basic needs to physical intimacy.[i] Meaning, these instructions aren’t limited to only one aspect of the marriage like provision or protection; they apply to the whole of marriage.

In every aspect of marriage—in every way you relate to your wife, in everything you do with your wife—the husband must live with his wife “in an understanding way.” That’s how the ESV puts it. The NET has “treat your wives with consideration.” Word for word in Greek, it’s “live with them according to knowledge.”

That’s important because earlier in the letter—this would be 1:14—Peter said this: “as obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance.” “Former ignorance” speaks to that time when we were darkened in our knowledge about nature, humanity, morality, truth, justice. Our often-willful ignorance shaped how we treated others. In our ignorance, we did not love them as we ought.

Peter is saying that Christian husbands can no longer be conformed to that former ignorance. Think about it. The number one problem for marriages isn’t your financial state or the kids or the pressures of this broken world. The number one problem is your sin. It’s our ignorance of God and our separation from God. Even with the very first marriage, Adam and Eve, it was sin that disordered the marriage in Genesis 3:16. Not only would the wife have misguided desires for her husband, but the husband would fail to exercise his authority rightly and seek to dominate his wife.

That is marriage according to our former ignorance. But something has changed for the Christian husband. According to 2:9, God called you out of that darkness into his marvelous light. The Christian husband must now conform himself to knowledge that God reveals about creation, about image bearers, about women, about morality, about love, and so on. Even more, he must conform himself to his knowledge of Christ in the gospel message, and what his new life in Christ means for his marriage. His marriage can’t be shaped by the passions of his former ignorance in Adam; his marriage must be shaped according to his knowledge of what God wants him to be in Christ.

Husbands, do you know the sort of man God wants you to be in Christ? How are you proactively changing the way you think about marriage? When it comes to your role in the marriage, are you thinking God’s thoughts after him? Or are you just following your former ignorance? How does he say it in 1:18—are you just following the “futile ways inherited from your forefathers”?

Some of you come from backgrounds where you never got to witness a dad loving and cherishing your mom. You grew up with zero examples of what a Christ-like husband is; and now you’re just struggling to make anything work right. Brothers, those bad examples of your forefathers no longer have to determine your future. Peter said before, “you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers” (1 Pet 1:18). God bought you out of that mess with the precious blood of Christ. You don’t have to be enslaved to that kind of ignorance anymore. Instead, you are now free to grow in the knowledge of how God wants you to be a husband.

God wants you to be an understanding man, a considerate husband. Another way to put it is that he wants you to live with your wife according to his knowledge of the woman being the weaker vessel. That’s the way it reads in Greek. Literally, “live with her according to knowledge as a weaker vessel, the feminine one.” What does that mean?

Well, elsewhere in the New Testament, this same word “vessel” appears figuratively to speak of all Christians, male and female alike. In Acts 9:15, Paul is called a “chosen vessel to carry God’s name among the Gentiles.” In 2 Corinthians 4:7, God pictures the gospel as a treasure in vessels of clay—the vessels being God’s weak messengers.[ii] Both men and women are vessels for God’s mission.

But in this case, Peter underlines something distinct about the feminine vessel. Of the two vessels, she is the weaker. That doesn’t mean she’s weaker intellectually. You don’t have to read very far in the Bible before noticing that men and women make equally stupid decisions. On the flipside, godly men and godly woman are equally wise.

It also doesn’t mean that women are weaker spiritually. Just look at verse 5, where Peter commends the example of Sarah and all the other holy women who hoped in God. It also doesn’t mean that women are weaker emotionally. Women might have emotional responses that differ from men, but both can be equally swayed by emotions.

The best option seems to be that women are physically weaker than men. We learn this from God’s revelation in nature, just by looking at the physical stature of men versus women. Also, in Scripture the pattern was sending men into battle (not the women); and when an army was viewed as physically weaker, prophets like Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Nahum would compare those armies to women. That doesn’t mean you won’t find a woman driving a tent peg through the skull of a coward or smashing an enemy’s head with stones or enduring labor in childbirth—Scripture speaks to those things as well. In general, though, women are physically weaker.[iii]

1 Thessalonians 4:4 may also be helpful. Paul uses the word “vessel” to describe one’s physical body; and that’s likely the way Peter is using it here as well—to speak of the wife’s body. She has the weaker body. So, contrary to the spirit of our age which seeks to erase all differences between male and female, Peter upholds the differences. But he does it to make an important point for the husband’s care.

The wife’s physical weakness could be exploited. Instead of using his physical strength to serve, protect, and provide, a husband might be tempted to use his physical advantage to intimidate, to frighten, to dominate, to control.

In Peter’s day, that meant wives (and women in general) were at a social disadvantage. At times they were treated as lesser persons. Women didn’t have a voice in court. They couldn’t vote. They could be regarded as mere objects for pleasure and easily taken advantage of. Not too long ago, we heard from a missionary in a part of Cameroon where spousal abuse was so common that society expects it. Our culture has its own headlines of abuse, and at times men chalking it up to so-called “locker-room banter.”

Peter is saying that Christian husbands must be set apart from that way of living. Christian husbands can’t operate that way. Instead, they must be considerate of the wife’s physical makeup. They must work to understand the way God made woman and seek to nurture her in ways fitting to her physical differences. A husband who lives with his wife according to knowledge will not make demands that are unrealistic. He will not push his weight around and intimidate her with red faces while huffing. He will use his place in the marriage to help her flourish as his wife.

Brothers, many of you are experts in your field of study. You’re experts at your jobs. You’re experts in sports trivia. You live according to knowledge of your career, your hobbies, your interests, perhaps your service in the church. You remember what time to be at work and when to go to the gym and how to be effective. You’re tuned in to politics and know the latest trends on social media. But how much of your mental energy do you spend knowing your wife? The Lord is calling us to be experts in knowing our wives, knowing how the Lord made her, knowing how our lives can serve them.

Practically speaking, that will mean a husband gives attention to his wife’s physical limitations and needs. He will not place burdens on her that are more than she can carry. And the burdens she does feel, he will—like Christ does for us—get beneath them and help her lift them, even at great cost to himself. A Christian husband will pay attention to health issues and various trials that might stress his wife’s daily energy levels. He will seek to know her natural cycles and the seasons that a woman’s body goes through. A good husband will use his strength to provide for his wife’s well-being and then protect his wife from harm.

Brothers, would you say that you live with your wife according to this kind of knowledge? Would your wife say that you’re an understanding husband? Does she find you to be a safe place to flourish? Does she find you to be one she can share anything with? Or does she constantly feel like walking on eggshells due to your anger and cold posture? Are you a considerate husband? Are you the kind of man who truly seeks to know your wife? Or are you the sort of man who dismisses his wife’s words and overlooks her needs? Are you the sort of man bent on demanding respect?

It might be helpful for us husbands to remember that nowhere does the Bible ask us to demand our wife’s respect. Our calling is to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Our calling is to know our wives and serve them regardless of the wife’s response. Just as the wife’s submission in verses 1-6 is not conditioned on the husband’s godliness, so also here, a husband’s care is not conditioned on the wife’s godliness. Our obedience is first to the Lord, and he says, “live with your wife according to knowledge.”

The Husband Honoring His Wife

But more than just living with her according to knowledge, Peter says that you must also honor her. The culture might be tempted to say, “Oh, weaker vessel means lesser honor.” But that’s not God’s way of thinking when it comes to the wife. The second part of the verse says, “[husbands] show honor as fellow heirs of the grace of life.” The wife might be weaker physically. That might also make her more vulnerable, socially. But theologically, God considers the wife a fellow heir of the grace of life.

Last week, we discussed briefly how a wife’s submission to her husband displayed God’s goodness in creation and his glory in redemption. We noted how the husband is the head of the wife and has authority in marriage. But here we’re seeing how the husband should never view that authority to mean he’s superior to his wife, or that his wife is of lesser value. In God’s eyes, she’s to be honored as a fellow heir.  

Now, some will read this a bit differently. It’s possible that just as the previous context had wives married to non-Christian husbands, so here we have husbands married to non-Christian wives. The point Peter would be making, then, is that Christian husbands ought to treat their non-Christian wives “as even fellow heirs of the grace of life.” That’s a legitimate way to translate this verse. In other words, just because she’s not a Christian, don’t treat her less than this. Honor her as you would other women in the faith. Perhaps the Lord might even use his honor to win the wife as a fellow heir truly.

That’s one way to read it. The other way to read it is that the wife is a Christian. God has saved her and made her a fellow heir of the grace of life. Either way, though, Peter embraces the reality that women are equal not only in nature—they are, after all fellow image bearers; but they’re also equal in grace and glory. The husband shouldn’t consider themselves as more deserving of grace than their wives. No, when God saves men and women, he makes them equal sharers in the kingdom.

The “grace of life” isn’t just the gift of simply existing and breathing in this world. He’s speaking of eternal life that comes with the kingdom. He’s speaking of life in the Spirit which is bound up with the new age. The word “fellow heir” recalls the inheritance that Peter mentioned in 1:4. The Christian is “born again…to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading.” Christian husbands must honor their wives as fellow participants in that inheritance. God’s gracious gift of new life in the kingdom of God is held out equally both to man and woman.

If Peter earlier affirmed the differences between men and women, here he affirms an important way they are equal. In Christ, both gain all the rights and privileges of God’s kingdom. That’s important, especially for those who might’ve found themselves in settings where they might not be permitted to own property. Maybe they have no earthly inheritance. But in Christ, they gain the greatest inheritance of all.

Christian husbands must honor their wives in light of their eternal inheritance. Brothers, when you think about your wife, do you view her as God does here? Men, when she feels like a failure some days, are you a source of encouragement that reminds her of her place in God’s kingdom? Where she needs hope, do you reassure her of what God will soon bring at the revelation of Jesus Christ? When she comes to you with a concern, do you count her as a “fellow heir”? Do you honor her with your words and attitudes? 1 Peter 1:19 uses the same root word to describe the “precious blood of Christ.” Do you esteem her as someone precious in Christ?

I understand that some of you may not have wives who are Christians. Or maybe you’re doing everything you know, but they continue making the marriage seemingly impossible. Things like that are outside of your control. As Tyrone put it, “Not all Christians receive the same circumstances; but all are called to bear their circumstances well.” And one way you can bear these circumstances well is by daily faithfulness to what God calls you to here in terms of understanding and honor.

But for all of us husbands, how do you honor your wife? If I asked, “How do you honor your wife?” and all you can say is, “Well, we’re not divorced. I’m not going anywhere. We don’t fight that much”—if that’s all you can say, you don’t understand what it means to honor her. Is that how we show what’s precious to us—by all we don’t do? No. We cherish the things that are precious to us. We hold them dear and talk about them. We protect them and treat them with care. They come to mind often. We invest in them, spend time on them, plan things around them. Is this how you treat your wife?

The Husband Praying to God

If not, you need to hear a sober warning; and that leads us to the last portion of verse 7, the husbands praying to God. Peter closes verse 7 with a good motive for husbands to consider: “so that your prayers may not be hindered.” I don’t think he’s saying, “so that you, as a couple, won’t have difficulty praying together.” I think he’s saying, “so that you, husbands, won’t have your prayers hindered.”

He’s saying, “If you treat your wife harshly, then you will not have the blessing of my presence. You will not gain my ear in heaven if you treat your wife harshly on earth.” God doesn’t bless those in authority when they abuse their authority.

In fact, glance at verses 8-11 for a second. He quoted from Psalm 34 earlier in the letter; and he’s doing so again here, but with a broad application to all Christians. He says, “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

Imagine hearing this letter read in full. Husbands have just heard the words, “so that your prayers may not hindered,” and then Peter says, “the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” Are you connecting the dots, husbands? If you’re the sort of man who isn’t considerate of your wife, if you’re the sort of man who abuses his authority and fails to honor his wife, then don’t be puzzled when you feel like God is absent.

There are many reasons why someone might feel like God isn’t listening to them, or like there’s a ceiling when they pray, or like God isn’t answering them anymore. But if you’re a husband who feels this way—and perhaps you’ve felt this way for a long while—at least one area you need to evaluate is how you’re treating your wife. 1 John 4 says that we can’t claim to love God while also hating our brother. Likewise, don’t expect to have sweet communion with God if you treat your wife poorly. Instead, be warned: “the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

But also, don’t miss the assumption behind this warning. The assumption is that the husband enjoys meeting with God in prayer. The assumption is that the husband knows what it’s like to commune with God in prayer. It’s such a crucial part of his life, that he can’t imagine having God not answer his prayers. He doesn’t want God distant and far off; he wants to taste his goodness and walk with him closely. He knows that a life without God’s presence will shrivel up and die.

So, let’s evaluate how we’re treating our wives, brothers. Even the things in verses 8-11 apply to your marriage. Peter mentioned sympathy—do you you’re your wife sympathy? That’s what Christ does—he sympathizes with us in our weakness. Do you have a tender heart? Are you a compassionate man toward your wife? He also says, “righteous are those who keep their tongue from deceit.” Are you keeping your tongue from deceit in your marriage? Are you ridding yourself of speaking evil things? Are you doing good to her? Even on days when she might do you evil, are you responding to evil with good? Do you find ways to bless her and serve her, as Christ served us while we were still sinners? Are you a man who seeks peace in the home and pursues it?

The Husband Running to Christ

Brothers, I imagine all of us could look at a text like this and find ways that we have failed our wives and, most importantly, have failed our Lord. For many of us, a text like this is sobering, especially this part about the Lord hindering our prayers. But that doesn’t mean you are without hope for forgiveness and without power for change. After all, it is the Lord who commends these things to us. It is the Lord who doesn’t want your prayers hindered. Also, I want to remind you of the good news. You see, before Peter even gets to his instructions for wives and husbands, he points us to Christ.

Look at 2:24-25, “[Jesus] himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.” Whatever wrongs you have done against your wife, whatever ways you have fallen short of God’s command for husbands, know that Jesus bore your sins in his body on the tree. The curse you deserved for every failure as a husband—he became that curse for you on the cross. He took your curse away. Your sins—past, present, and future—he took them all away and secured your forgiveness before God.

But his saving work accomplished more than that. Notice: “that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.” Jesus is not only our forgiveness, he is also our power to change. His death released you from slavery to sin; and his resurrection life now enables you to live to righteousness. Don’t walk away saying, “I could never do this; my dad never did this; I’ve already failed too much.” That’s a lie from Satan, who wants you to keep obeying sin. As a Christian, you’ve been freed from sin’s power. Jesus is now the Shepherd and Overseer of your soul. You were straying like a lost sheep, but now Jesus has brought you near to himself.

So, hear his words today, and run to him as your Shepherd. He will lead you in the way you should go. He knows what it means to be a good Husband. He walked and lived this road before us. Ephesians 5:25 says that he loved his wife, the church, and gave himself for her. The more you know him, the more you will become like him in living with your wife according to knowledge and honoring her as a fellow heir.

Some of you might be thinking, “I don’t even know where to begin. I have so many questions. I need someone to show me how.” Brother, that’s why you belong to a local church. Find other godly men in the church and ask them how they practice this. Ask them about their greatest regrets and what the Lord has taught them. Share your greatest struggles in marriage and see what kind of wisdom they can offer you. Pursue one another; ask each other questions about how the marriage is going. Then ask, “How would your wife say it’s going?” Find ways to help one another mature. We’re not in this alone—at least we shouldn’t be. We have the Lord; we also have each other.

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[i] Cf. LXX Gen 20:3; Deut 22:13; 24:1; 25:5; Isa 62:5.

[ii] Cf. also Rom 9:23; 2 Tim 2:21.

[iii] Isa 19:16; Jer 50:37; 51:30; Nah 3:13.